


Miracles Are Made of Failures

by baeconandeggs, bucheonsbabe



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Infertility, M/M, Mentions of past infertility, Mpreg, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:01:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24061768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baeconandeggs/pseuds/baeconandeggs, https://archiveofourown.org/users/bucheonsbabe/pseuds/bucheonsbabe
Summary: Baekhyun doesn't know how to tell his husband the news. And he's right for being worried. The proof? Chanyeol breaks in sobs as soon as he hears it.
Relationships: Byun Baekhyun/Park Chanyeol
Comments: 121
Kudos: 1052
Collections: BAE2020





	Miracles Are Made of Failures

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt:** BAE1350  
>  **Disclaimer: baeconandeggs/the mods is/are not the author/s of this story. Authors will be credited and tagged after reveals.** The celebrities' names/images are merely borrowed and do not represent who the celebrities are in real life. No offense is intended towards them, their families or friends. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this fictional work. No copyright infringement is intended.
> 
> **Author's Note:** Writing this fic helped pull me out of the writing slump I had been in for... perhaps weeks? And for that I want to thank the prompter for the beautiful prompt they sent!
> 
> The biggest thank you goes to my beta reader who's had my back the entire time. Thank you for dealing with my constant complaining, my thousands of messages and all the times I asked your opinion for even the smallest of things(""Do you like the title? What about the summary- how's the story???"")
> 
> Thank you to the wonderful mods for handling the fest every single year! Thank you for being so kind and patient and answering my multiple questions! :)
> 
> Enjoy the fic!

_ Should he tell him? _

_ Should he stay quiet? _

Baekhyun doesn’t know what to think. He doesn’t know what to do.

“You’re awfully quiet tonight.” Chanyeol muses, continuing to walk like the smaller weighs nothing on his back. “Is everything okay?”

Baekhyun clears his throat, linking his arms around Chanyeol’s neck a little tighter. “Yeah- yeah, everything’s fine.”

The autumn has started. The leaves fill the streets with colors; red, brown, orange. Walking on the border where the road meets the sidewalk makes cracking sounds, especially when a person manages to step on a gathering of leaves.

Baekhyun used to love the autumn. And the winter. The cold months used to be his favorites. Up until four years ago.

“Is it my back?” Chanyeol catches his attention again, halting his steps. “Are you comfortable up here?”

“Yeah, I’m just tired.”

And for once, he’s not lying.

Except Chanyeol worries. He worries, but he starts walking again. “Work?”

Baekhyun hums. “It was really tiring.”

That’s a lie. Baekhyun didn’t go to work today.

“It’s a good thing I’m giving you a piggyback ride then.”

Sometimes, like tonight, Baekhyun wonders if he’s being cruel or if he’s being selfless. He wonders if doing what he’s currently doing is a good idea. What goes through his head is  _ wait _ .

Wait _. You don’t want to disappoint him. _

Wait _. Maybe you can avoid breaking his heart. _

But for how long?

A month?

Two? 

Three?

Three would be the suggested period, but even then… what if he has to wait until four? Then five? By six, surely, he won’t be able to wait.

_ What would Chanyeol want? _

No. 

It’s not about what Chanyeol wants. It‘s about what Chanyeol needs- what Chanyeol can  _ take _ .

Why would Baekhyun share such news with his husband, when he can bear it on his own?

There’s no need to worry him. Not for now, at the very least.

Except it’s been a week already. Baekhyun has known and hidden it for a week now, and just these seven days- between suspecting and testing and confirming, he’s been so stressed and spent them all crying when he could. When Chanyeol wasn’t home, when he got back from work early, in the shower, when his husband was asleep.

And now he has to keep it for himself for how long again? Three months?

“-Baek?”

Baekhyun hums.

“Is something the matter? You really seem distracted, baby.” Chanyeol tries- pries, rather, Baekhyun knows because he knows how the man is with him, how he coaxes information out of him when Baekhyun doesn’t feel like opening up.

“It’s just- yeah work.” He lies yet again.

“What’s happening there? Are your students giving you a headache?”

Baekhyun nods against Chanyeol’s nape. “Yeah, they’re just being difficult. And I’ve been having a hard time sleeping so it’s not… the best.”

Yet another lie. Great. Bravo Baekhyun, what a way to go.

Baekhyun wants to cry. He wants to cry for lying and he wants to cry for wanting to tell his husband.

This is supposed to be good news- it  _ is _ .

But maybe that’s the catch. It’s too good to be true.

Chanyeol secures his hands under Baekhyun’s thighs, tightening the smaller’s grip around his waist as he starts going up the stairs all the way from where they came from.

“You should take tomorrow off, then. You sound really tired.”

Baekhyun doesn’t know how much of a good idea that would be. “Mmh. Maybe.”

Tonight was supposed to be good- it  _ was _ .

Tonight, Chanyeol insisted on taking him out on a date, insisted on going to Baekhyun’s favorite restaurant and picking-  _ eating _ with him meals he usually wouldn’t.

Being a model doesn’t come easy, as much as Baekhyun wants his husband to stuff his face every time they eat.

But tonight, Chanyeol wanted them to go out. It had been a while since they spent a moment just together, out of the house, after work. And despite his heavy schedule, Chanyeol made time for a date.

Baekhyun doesn’t want to ruin it. Not the night, nor the good time they had. 

Ultimately, Baekhyun doesn’t want to give his husband false hopes. They’ve gone through so much of them-  _ too much  _ of them.

“Should we stop and get ice cream?” Chanyeol asks, still walking up the stairs like it’s an easy thing to do.

“You’re eating ice cream  _ too _ ?” Baekhyun humors him, rubbing his head on Chanyeol’s back. “If you’re getting one, I’m in.”

“I’ll walk us there, then.” He stops, repositioning his hands under Baekhyun’s thighs. “Are you sure you wanna go there? If you’re tired, I can drop you home and go get it by car- or I can go another day.”

Chanyeol is, for lack of a better word, a sweetheart. He was, is, and Baekhyun believes, always will be. Chanyeol takes care of him. But Chanyeol is also soft-hearted.

Chanyeol, Baekhyun believes, is the one who was the most hurt when things started going down four years ago. And this man, this broken man Baekhyun had seen in his husband, he doesn’t want to see him again.

Baekhyun is strong. Stronger than Chanyeol maybe, and maybe not. Perhaps that’s what he’s trying to make himself believe just to save Chanyeol from a new potential heartbreak- a devastating one this time, harder to cope with, to live with, than the one they discovered years ago.

Because this one, isn’t just not being able to.

This one  _ you have it, but you might lose it. _

Baekhyun hasn’t come to terms with the situation yet, but the picture in his pocket is very real. And he knows when his eyes start watering that, thinking about going through it on his own, will make him miserable.

He bites his lower lip and takes deeper breaths- he’s not going to cry. He’s not going to cry and ruin this.

“ _ Baekhyun _ ?”

But this was his dream-  _ their _ dream.

“Yeah?” Baekhyun sniffles, burying his nose deeper into Chanyeol’s neck.

_ Is he allowed to be selfish right now? _

“Baek.” He repeats softly, like it’s something precious. And oh, Baekhyun knows that tone- he knows that voice too well. “Something’s bothering you.” Chanyeol states this time, he doesn’t ask, he  _ knows _ . “Tell me. Tell me so that I can help.”

“It’s nothing.” Baekhyun repeats. “I’m-”

He’s not fine. Baekhyun’s an idiot for thinking he’s fine- or worse even, for thinking that he can go without telling Chanyeol. He’s not fine.

And he probably won’t be, but telling Chanyeol like this… giving him false hopes when he could have avoided it…

“It’s okay.” Chanyeol fills in the silence, going up the last step to continue on the road back to their place. “Whatever it is, you know you can tell me.”

Whoever designed these roads must have been into roman roads because they look just the same- grey floor with large looking rocks inserted into it. Baekhyun guesses that was made just for the ambience- shops, restaurants, large stairs and expensive places to live.

Once he says it, there’s no going back. Are they ready for another disappointment- is  _ he _ ?

“I’m scared.” Baekhyun lets out, tightening his grip around his husband. 

Chanyeol’s entire body freezes for a moment before he gains his composure back. “What are you scared of?” He asks, delicate voice seducing Baekhyun into telling him everything. “Tell me so we can fix it together- or worry about it together. You know you can tell me everything, right? Anything, Baekhyun.”

It’s tempting. It’s so tempting to give in and let go of the weight he’s been holding on to. It’s so easy to just say  _ fuck it _ and do it when Chanyeol uses that voice with him- when Chanyeol  _ talks _ to him this way.

Maybe it’s the night, and maybe it’s his emotions, but Baekhyun can’t help the tears down his cheeks. Maybe he’s being irresponsible and maybe it’s the right thing to do. But how is he supposed to know right from wrong?

_ “I’m pregnant.” _

Chanyeol stills.

His body is so rigid against Baekhyun’s that he starts regretting his decision- he shouldn’t have told him. He should have  _ waited _ .

There’s nothing he fears more than seeing Chanyeol’s face when he still gets no response from his husband.

“I’m going to put you down.” Chanyeol finally says, sounding very much like he’s holding back a sob. “Hold on, okay?”

And Baekhyun’s right, Chanyeol  _ is _ crying when he finally turns around to look at him. He’s sobbing when he grabs Baekhyun’s hands and pulls him closer to his body. “You got me.” He tells him. “And I got you.”

Maybe he’s allowed to be selfish. Maybe things like this… he shouldn’t be hiding them.

“You- you shouldn’t be crying.” Chanyeol chokes on the words, letting a hand play with Baekhyun’s hair. “Stress isn’t good for the-”

He can’t even say it. Chanyeol can’t even say the word without hugging him tighter and wetting his shirt.

_ How will they get over it if something goes wrong? _

“It’s okay.” Chanyeol keeps repeating, his hands rubbing soothingly all over Baekhyun’s back. “I’m here. I’m right here, Baekhyun. Look at me.”

His husband is a sobbing mess but he still wipes Baekhyun’s tears with the back of his sleeve and pushes Baekhyun’s hair out of his forehead. “How long- did you get checked with a doctor- why didn’t you tell-”

Chanyeol takes a deep breath and catches Baekhyun by the waist, resting his palms on him. “Talk to me. Don’t just shut me out,  _ please _ .”

There’s something unreal about these words. About the ultrasound in his pocket. About Chanyeol asking him pregnancy related questions. Something he never thought would happen- something they were  _ told _ would not happen.

_ “Low chances” _ they had said, but the couple knew what that meant when they had already been trying for a year. When the second year was spent on treatment, the third on hope, and the fourth on misery.

Baekhyun had grown so scared and miserable of hospitals that he didn’t dare put a foot into one again unless it was an emergency- the only times he ever did were when Chanyeol fainted from exhaustion last year, and today, shaking, praying, despite everything, that the results would be positive.

He’d be a liar saying he didn’t think he was stupid, stepping into that clinic. That they hadn’t done that thousands of times over the last years, for each visit to become more bitter than the other, for him to know, to have understood by now, that hope brings nothing but misery.

And yet he did. He stepped in, after a week of odd symptoms, heart beating.

“I’m a month and a half along.” He finally says, placing a hand down on his stomach, watching his wedding ring shining against the moon light. “The doctor confirmed and I-”

Instead of talking, Baekhyun reaches in his back pocket, pulls out the ultrasound and hands it over to the father of his baby. The shaky breath Chanyeol takes when he sees it tugs at Baekhyun’s heartstrings- this is why he wanted to wait.

They’ve wanted this so bad. For so long. Fought for it, and kept trying for each time to become worse than the other.

From the beginning, Chanyeol stopped wearing condoms, naturally. And as the years passed and they tried, he still didn’t wear them. The past year, they haven’t been actively trying- not officially at the very least. Going through these three years had been so hard on them that they knew they had to take a break- let each other breathe.

Try later. Think about it later.

They  _ needed _ a break.

Except Chanyeol didn’t start wearing condoms again. Baekhyun didn’t tell him to. And somewhere, unconsciously, they knew they had left the door open. Maybe. Just maybe.

_ “Oh, Baekhyun.” _

Chanyeol is still positively sobbing when Baekhyun looks at his face, and for the first time in very long, he doesn’t know whether it’s out of pain or joy. He doesn’t know why Chanyeol’s hands shake so much around the laminated piece paper and why he looks like he’s in so much pain.

But he keeps staring- thumbs rubbing over it over and over again like he can’t believe it. And when he looks up to his husband, to Baekhyun’s face, Baekhyun knows this is going to hurt.

Chanyeol wraps his arms around him without another word, and keeps him there, unmoving, as he cries in Baekhyun’s neck. Baekhyun holds him, arms around his frame as he tries not to cry.

He’s so good at it, not crying, so,  _ so  _ good at it until Chanyeol drops to his knees in front of him and puts his head against Baekhyun’s stomach. Baekhyun loses it.

Chanyeol lifts his shirt and kisses his skin, right in the middle of where his baby bump will be once it grows. He has his eyes closed. Baekhyun doesn’t want to speak- to ruin the moment.

“Why- why didn’t you want to tell me?”

_ Why?  _ There isn’t an appropriate answer to this kind of question, Baekhyun finds, when his husband asks like it’s the most confusing thing in the world.

“Because…” Baekhyun trails long enough for Chanyeol to look up to his face. “In case something happens...”

It doesn’t take Chanyeol long to be standing in front of him again, only this time to be looking distressed. “Did the doctor say anything? Are you at risk-”

Getting upset at his husband isn’t a good idea- one because Chanyeol is genuinely concerned, and two, because it’s the hormones speaking on his behalf. “Of course I’m at risk- more than the average.”

Chanyeol’s frown deepens. “How does that explain you not telling me?” He doesn’t sound very… happy.

“Because!” Baekhyun loses it, not minding the tears of frustration making a mess of his cheeks. “What if I  _ lose _ it this time, Chanyeol? What if- you do understand that I’m carrying the child- it’s  _ in  _ my body and I could- at any time I could just-”

There’s a pair of strong arms circling around his body, one around his neck and the other over his lower back. Baekhyun has half a mind to continue arguing, but Chanyeol is there to soothe him. He has a hand in his hair and one inside his shirt- he isn’t there to argue with him. “I understand that.” He tells him first, soft voice. “But that’s still not something you can keep to yourself- the baby’s mine and you’re my  _ husband _ \- you’re mine to protect, don’t you get that?”

Baekhyun doesn’t want to think. Doesn’t want to face reality. But Chanyeol’s asking for answers, and he has a right to know. “I didn’t want to disappoint you- give you false hopes when I don’t even know if I’ll make it. I wanted to wait three months because the chances of getting a miscarriage are the highest in the first three months-”

_ “Baekhyun.” _ The sharp inhale is hard to miss when he’s breathing next to the smaller’s ear. “It’s my job to keep you safe, not the-”

“Yes!” Baekhyun detaches himself from him. “It’s also the other way around- the issue is coming from me, from  _ my _ body and you did nothing to get involved in this mess.”

_ “Baekhyun!” _

“So it’s not true? Is it not because of me that we’ve been unable to conceive for years?”

Chanyeol looks at him like he’s crossed a line, but Baekhyun knows it’s the truth. It’s something they haven’t addressed because Chanyeol doesn’t want to stress him- but Baekhyun isn’t dumb.

“It’s true that the issue is rooted in your body.” It’s funny, the way Chanyeol is careful not to raise his voice and shout the way Baekhyun has been. “But that doesn’t change the fact that you’re my husband by  _ choice _ . I wasn’t going to leave you back then, and I’m still not going to leave you now- no matter what happens.”

“So what?” Baekhyun chuckles, but it sounds empty even to his ears. “You didn’t want children?”

“Of course I did.”

Baekhyun bites his tongue and wonders if he’s gone too far.  _ Has he? _

“But I wanted them with you- whether biological or adopted. I wanted to have them  _ with _ you.”

And Baekhyun has nothing to say to that.

“I’m not mad at you, Baekhyun, because I know exactly what you’re trying to do.”

The pregnant man looks away, to his right where shops are still opened, and remembers that they’re still standing in the middle of the road arguing.

“You’re trying to drive me away by making me upset. Except it won’t work- didn’t work back then, and it won’t work right now.”

Chanyeol catches Baekhyun’s arm and pulls him closer to his body, passes said arm around his neck and reaches for the other as he lifts him, successfully carrying him on his back just where he was minutes ago.

It’s hard to understand unless you’re the one in Baekhyun’s place- hard to understand the guilt and the hate towards his own body for not functioning like it should be. No one will really know how hard it was to watch Chanyeol get destroyed a little more inside with each visit to the clinic.

“The baby’s okay so far.” Baekhyun breaks the silence, feeling selfish yet not in the way he has expected. “I had the appointment today.”

Chanyeol hums, making no attempt at opening a new conversation. And for his part, Baekhyun can’t say he’s exactly sorry. Not for wanting to protect the man he loves.

“I had to watch you.” He starts, lump getting heavier in his throat as he recalls. “I had to watch you become miserable day by day.”

The model stops in his tracks.

“Had to watch you cry outside of the examination room and then pretend you were fine in front of me- had to watch you pretend it was all okay when it wasn’t. Do you think it was easy on me- scratch that, do you think only you are allowed to protect your loved ones?”

“It’s not the same.” Chanyeol replies calmly.

“No, it is.” Baekhyun argues. “It is. And that’s what I’d do for you and you have to understand it.”

Their house isn’t very far away anymore, Baekhyun can see it past the hill. The lights illuminating the road shine in hues of orange whereas the sky is as dark as it can get.

“You’re pregnant. You have to take care of both yourself and the baby. I can handle crying on my own, Baekhyun.”

It doesn’t make sense- it doesn’t make sense and it still feels like it’s his fault, like Chanyeol is just putting up with him, like he shouldn’t have told him.

“The child… it’s also mine. Don’t I deserve to know on time? To go with you to the appointments?”

_ “Put me down.” _

“What-”

_ “Down, Chanyeol.” _

The house is barely steps away, steps Baekhyun wants to take on his own. As soon as he’s back on his feet, Baekhyun walks the distance separating him from their driveway, walks up the stairs, pulls the keys out of his back pocket and enters the house.

_ “Baekhyun!” _

It’s a matter of time before Chanyeol catches up with him, so, Baekhyun does the smartest thing he can think of; lock the door again, storm away to his study room, the one he goes to when he needs to grade papers and prepare classes, and locks its door.

Chanyeol is indeed behind him by seconds. “Baekhyun?” The knocks get more insisting on the door before the model tries his luck at twisting the doorknob. “Come out, please. Let’s talk- no arguing, just discussion.”

_ Why is he ruining this? _

“Go away.” Is all Baekhyun answers, changing out of his clothes, grateful for the forgotten pair of pyjamas left on the desk chair. “I wanna sleep.”

It’s silent during the time Baekhyun dumps his clothes and gets comfortable on the bed- yet another one of Chanyeol’s ideas, for when Baekhyun is up late grading papers, feeling too lazy to get up and walk all the way back to their shared bedroom- for nights he’d fall asleep on the desk. Blame him for being lazy.

“Okay, I’ll leave. But just tell me if you’re fine- if you don’t wanna talk, okay. But… does anything hurt? I- I know you’re upset, but I still love you. Don’t go to sleep thinking I don’t.”

Baekhyun swallows the lump in his throat and looks down to the comforter thrown around his frame, where it’s warming his stomach. Baekhyun thinks of his baby and of his husband- thinks of the way Chanyeol will, no matter how hard they argue, always remind him he loves him before bed because he doesn’t let Baekhyun go to sleep upset.

And Baekhyun? He’s stupid.

What should have been the most beautiful news of their life, he’s ruined it with his temper. Ruined it with his attitude- with the need to always have the last word with Chanyeol. In his defense, arguing over what the best brand of hand soap is, isn’t the same as wanting to protect his husband from getting his heart terribly broken again.

Chanyeol didn’t even let him explain. Chanyeol wants to only protect him and doesn’t want the same returned- thinks,  _ believes _ , Baekhyun can’t deal with things on his own.

And maybe the most frustrating thing is the fact that Chanyeol says he can deal with his own issues, but that Baekhyun should always tell him about his.

_ Isn’t Baekhyun allowed to worry over him, too? _

Why isn’t Chanyeol taking his feelings into consideration?

But most importantly, why couldn’t Baekhyun hold it in and just celebrate the moment?

He falls asleep with a hand over his stomach, and guilt deep in his gut. 

\---

The room is dark around him when he wakes up. The empty space on the bed, the hand on his stomach and the headache all remind him of what happened.

That, and the urgent need to pee. He really should have done that when he arrived, only if he wasn’t so focused on escaping from his husband…

Baekhyun feels around the room by heart and reaches the door, twisting the doorknob before remembering.  _ Ahh _ , he locked it too.

It’s not as quiet as he thought it would be, not for a Tuesday night, even less for what he remembers the hour his digital clock was displaying.  _ Is Chanyeol awake? _

The hallway is as dark as his study room had been, but the kitchen isn’t. There’s only the dimmed lights on, his favorite for the night- not too strong, nor too dimmed on his eyes.

Chanyeol is there, dressed in just a pair of sweatpants and an old shirt and yet, he looks so good it’s unfair. Baekhyun debates over talking to him or ignoring him before deciding to act on an impulse, yet another time without thinking.

“You’re not sleeping?” The teacher asks, reaching for a glass from the cabinets. It’s about two in the morning, and Chanyeol has to be up early this week, Baekhyun remembers because he’s been telling him about the fashion show he’s preparing for. That, and Chanyeol isn’t sporting his  _ just woke up _ hair.

“Couldn’t sleep.” Chanyeol replies, putting his water glass down. “I’m not going to work tomorrow though.”

One glass isn’t enough, two are starting to quench his thirst but three should be about enough. Baekhyun fills his glass for the third time, ignoring how Chanyeol stares at him. “Why?”

This time, he gets no answer.

Baekhyun continues drinking until there isn’t a drop left in the glass and thinks about filling it again- what’s the harm in drinking tons? It can’t be bad to stay hydrated during a pregnancy- but too much water… how much is too-

_ “Baekhyun.” _

He also shouldn’t be going to work. Should he take his leave right away? Should he wait for later?

But that’s not what’s important right now, Chanyeol reminds him when he catches his hand and rubs his knuckles with his thumb, carefully going around his ring before gently rubbing it. Chanyeol still doesn’t look up.

“I’m sorry.”

Baekhyun looks up.

“I’ve been thinking since we came back about why you got upset and… I’m sorry about not taking your feelings into consideration. I just- to me, you’re a priority.” He doesn’t stop playing with Baekhyun’s hand. “And if I’m selfish this way, if I can spare you being worried and handle it all on my own, then I will.”

“Do you understand me, now?” The smaller interrupts, hoping this is where the conversation is going. “Because that’s exactly how I feel about you.”

“I do.” Chanyeol catches his other hand, mimicking what he had been doing with the first one. “It’s not right of me to demand that you don’t shut me out when I do it with you.”

“That’s why-”

“I know.” Chanyeol beats him to it. “I know, Baekhyun.”

Except he doesn’t. It should be explained because Baekhyun hates being misunderstood. That and he wants to have the last word.

“It’s not that I don’t appreciate what you want to do for me.” This is the right way to start, both because Chanyeol takes things to heart very easily and because it’s true. “I do, and I love you for that. But it can’t just be you caring about me- because I care about you too.” And now, after a good meal, a nice fight and a deep sleep nap, Baekhyun can say he’s thinking a little better. “It wasn’t fair of me to want to keep it a secret but- but do you understand where I’m coming from?”

“I do.”

Baekhyun still wants to explain, and as painful as it will be to be reminded of the past years, Baekhyun needs to. Even when Chanyeol says he understands. “You’re precious to me.” The teacher lets out, tightening his grip around Chanyeol’s hands. “I don’t want to see you hurt.”

It’s a truth, even known to them, that Chanyeol’s always been a little more sensitive- whether it’s towards his family, his friends, or his private matters. And Baekhyun knew that, worried about it when they started getting treatment, when it failed, and when Chanyeol pretended it was all fine.

Chanyeol lets go of his hands to reach for his waist, holds Baekhyun up to seat him on the counter before standing between his spread legs. “And I’m sorry for making a mess earlier, I just-” Oh, it has to be the hormones. It has to be because Baekhyun wants yet again to cry. “I was upset? I think? And then I was sad- and then you were happy and then-”

Instead of words, it’s a warm embrace that welcomes him- arms wrapping all over his upper body to crush him against a chest. “I figured. And… I’m also sorry, Baek. I just couldn’t believe you wouldn’t want to tell me after everything…” He trails, and Baekhyun knows that even years later, he has a hard time talking about it. “Maybe you didn’t choose the right thing to do, but I do understand your intent.”

“You do?” It’s one thing to upset each other and fight, but if Chanyeol understands why, Baekhyun knows they can fix it. It’s not like it was the first time his temper had them arguing.

“I do.” He answers in Baekhyun’s neck. “Even if I’m not pleased with it, I do. But still…” Chanyeol trails, detaching himself from the smaller to look at his face. “You’re pregnant- you’re carrying my child and that just-”

Baekhyun thinks Chanyeol is so beautiful, even when he cries-  _ especially  _ when he cries. And he’s lucky, he knows that much, to have someone care this much about him- someone as sensible as Chanyeol.

“Are you happy?” He dares ask, reaching for his husband’s hands. 

Chanyeol’s answer comes in the form of tears, a nod, and a choked voice trying to answer him.

He’s so lucky.

Baekhyun is so goddamn lucky to have this man as his husband, and the father of his baby. He knows he’s lucky to have found someone who puts up with his temper, who doesn’t love him any less because of it.

“Is this why you’ve been gaining weight?” The taller finally asks, intertwining his fingers with Baekhyun’s

“I- I didn’t even notice.”  _ Had he? _ “I did?”

Chanyeol hums. “Around your cheeks.” He points, with Baekhyun’s hand in his. “I thought you were just tired and eating more but I guess it wasn’t… that.” Tentatively- shyly, Chanyeol lifts Baekhyun’s hoodie up until his lower stomach is completely exposed. “You’re showing.”

“Already?” He can’t have missed  _ all _ the signs- did he really not even notice his gain weight? “It’s barely there yet, Yeol. I’m a month and a half in, that’s all.”

“Still.” Chanyeol gently lays a palm on his stomach. “I think there’s a slight difference.”

“Oh, you’ll see it once I get  _ huge. _ ”

It’s when Baekhyun complains about the counter not being comfortable that Chanyeol picks him up and carries him all the way to their bedroom, carefully letting him down the bed to lie behind him, enveloping him in his arms. “I can’t wait for you to get huge, you know?”

“And when I wake you up for cravings?”

Chanyeol’s chuckle tickles his neck. “And when you wake me up for cravings.”

“Get used to mood swings because they’re going to just get  _ worse _ with time.”

“Honestly… that’s not too new from your usual character, Baekhyun.” But his tone holds no animosity- it’s almost fond, the way he even talks about Baekhyun’s flaws, and just for that, Baekhyun can’t even get mad at him.

“But Baekhyun, there’s still something bothering me.”

Baekhyun turns his head around and hums. 

“The fact that you thought you should have kept this hidden from me- don’t get me wrong, I understood your intention but Baekhyun… I’m still your husband and you’re carrying my baby. How am I supposed to take care of you when I don’t know what’s up with you?”

And here he thought they were done with this matter. “I’m sorry, once again. I- I don’t know, Chanyeol. I thought I could keep it to myself until the third month.”

“What about work? Your health? Don’t you need someone to assist you?”

The more he thinks about it…. the more Baekhyun realises it was not a good idea. He’s not just thinking for himself anymore, he’s thinking for two.

“I’d have managed. It’s not like work exhausts me to  _ that _ point.”

Chanyeol bursts into laughter behind him, shaking his body with him. “You think I’m letting you go to work anymore?”

_ What _ . “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Just what is happening there?

“We’re going to be busy from now on- you can’t be working during this pregnancy if we wanna avoid risks as much as possible.”

Turning around, Baekhyun frowns at him. “What do you want me to do? Stay home all day waiting for you on bed rest?”

That’s when Chanyeol slowly detaches himself from Baekhyun, rising to glue his back to the headboard. “I’m taking a break from work, too. Did you really think I was going to leave you here all alone?”

_ Oh?  _ Baekhyun wants to cry again. “You’re staying with me?” His voice sounds a little too emotional.

“Of course I am. I- Baek, we’ve waited for this for so long. I want to be spending it with you- whether it’s tending to your cravings, helping you throw up or rubbing your belly at night.” And oh, the way he speaks of it really,  _ really _ puts things into perspective.

They’re having a baby. Baekhyun is pregnant after four years of trials. They’re really about to be parents.

“Are you sure about work, though?” Baekhyun wouldn’t want him ruining his career, either.

“They’ll deal with it.” The model answers confidently. “I’ve been with them for too long- they know they need me not to upset me.”

“And what about being busy?”

Chanyeol claps his hands like he’s about to tell Baekhyun the most exciting news of his entire life. “While you were asleep, I did some research.”

Oh no. Searching and Chanyeol never go hand in hand.

“I found tons of classes we could follow to prepare for birth and the baby.”

“Tons?”

“Yeah, tons! Breastfeeding classes, childbirth preparation classes, prenatal yoga classes- pain management too because I read epidural isn’t always an option. I’m also thinking of basic infant psychology classes? Just wondering because…”

And as Chanyeol trails, Baekhyun knows he spent all the hours Baekhyun was asleep to look these up. He can’t even tell him it’s too much and that they maybe shouldn’t both take a break from their jobs, but Chanyeol’s so happy, so excited that he doesn’t want to take that away from him.

The thing is, he’s also right. They’re allowed to be selfish right now- to only think about themselves and the baby. 

Work can wait.

The world can wait.

Just like they waited patiently for a chance.

Baekhyun wouldn’t want to be going through it on his own, definitely not now that Chanyeol knows. It’ll be miserable, staying home alone while Chanyeol spends his days working, sometimes out of the country for days.

That is definitely not how he wants to spend his pregnancy.

“Besides that, we have quite a few medical appointments to attend.  _ Often _ . Just to make sure everything is… you know, fine?”

There it is, the little voice in his head telling him to panic- that he’s at risk.

But Chanyeol is there. Chanyeol is reaching for his body and pulling him in. He’s not alone.

He doesn’t have to do that alone.

“We’ll be fine.” The model whispers. “We’ll look after your nutrition, sleep schedule- what you’re allowed to do and what you’re not.”

That doesn’t erase the fear clinging to Baekhyun’s skin. Chanyeol senses it, cradling Baekhyun’s face carefully in his hands to lay a kiss on his forehead. “We’ll get you tested often. I’ve got you, I promise. You carry the baby, and I’ll take care of you.”

He’s been strong from the beginning. Baekhyun’s been trying to ease Chanyeol’s pain and worries from the very beginning, and perhaps, somewhere along the way, he stopped thinking of his own.

Of the fact that there’s a child inside of him- of the fact that he’s finally able to carry, and what more, of the horrible fact that he could lose it. But it’s always been there, that fear, always in the back of his mind ever since he learned he was carrying.

“I’ll take really good care of you.” Chanyeol repeats, like he actually knows what Baekhyun is thinking. “It’s gonna be you and me against the world baby, I promise.”

Baekhyun doesn’t doubt him. Feel a little bad that he needs comfort and not the other way around? Maybe, because Chanyeol’s more sensitive. But Chanyeol’s there- he knows- feels him, and he wants to be Baekhyun’s rock just like Baekhyun was his.

And when Baekhyun cries again, wiping a few tears away from his face and hiding in his husband’s neck, Chanyeol holds him. Pulls the blankets over his lap where Baekhyun is sitting and rubs his back.

They don’t need more words for the night, not when they can hold each other- when Chanyeol’s little obsession with rubbing Baekhyun’s stomach takes over and he keeps him in place, one hand over his soon-to-be baby bump, and one under his head.

“What do you think it’ll be?”

Just when he was about to fall asleep. “What do you mean?”

“A boy or a girl?” Chanyeol explains, nosing Baekhyun’s neck. “Do you think it’ll be a boy or a girl?”

“I never even thought about it.” Baekhyun admits, almost laughing. “I… have no idea.”

“I think it’ll be a boy. Pick something too.”

Baekhyun hums. “Then I guess it’ll be a girl?”

And just when Chanyeol is about to fall asleep after having argued tons about how  _ no, I can feel that it’s going to be a boy _ , Baekhyun pokes him. 

“Can we keep the news to ourselves for a while? I just… don’t want everyone to be asking questions and prying when we just were in on the news.” Does it sound silly? Maybe it does. But that’s what Baekhyun wants. “Let’s wait for a few months to tell our family and friends too. Is that fine with you?”

“I’d love that.” Chanyeol answers against his neck, planting a little kiss before continuing. “Just the two of us knowing sounds nice.

And that’s how they fall asleep; Baekhyun, with a weight lifted off his chest, and Chanyeol, the happiest he’s ever been in four years.

[...]

[...]

[...]

[...]

BREAKING NEWS. Renowned model Park Chanyeol has taken it to Instagram to announce pregnancy news! His husband, Byun Baekhyun, gave birth to baby boy twins just last week. The international star was last seen 8 months ago, when he announced he’d be on break without giving details. He has once again expressed his desire to take another year off, as he wants to spend it with the twins and his husband. We wish Baekhyun a quick recovery and happiness for the new-founded family!

**Author's Note:**

> You can reach me here [twitter](https://twitter.com/bucheonsbabe?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor) and here [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/bucheonsbabe) :)<3


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